Gratitude Journal

Just a quick note….some of you missed the first line in my last post. A short work of FICTION, Sweetie is not dead. Thank God! I will take all the prayers you care to send as my life has been a little hard lately, but let me assure you I was not writing about myself. Just a little made up story dancing through my brain. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

I have written a short fiction I hope you will enjoy. I have titled it “The Fullness of Time”

She waited patiently for her children to arrive. How long had it been? It seemed like forever since they were all together for a holiday. Janie went off to college in 1967, she was the last to leave. Mark had joined the army and left for Viet Nam earlier that same year. Jeff, the eldest was on his own by 1965, he wanted to “find” himself so off to California he went. Thirty years have slipped by. We tried our best to stay close, but there was always something in our paths. Life moves along so quickly and we always think there will be more time. There rarely ever is.

Mark never came home from Viet Nam. I never again had the chance to tell him how much I loved him. I never got to brush that beautiful curly hair away from his eyes ever again. I miss him so. There has always been an ache in my heart for him. I trust God that he is safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for the rest of us to arrive.

Jeff managed to find himself although it took a lot longer than anyone thought it should. He made it to San Francisco in 65 and stayed long after his welcome was worn. Sex and drugs and rock & roll until the fall of 1971. Now I am not to sure of what happened, a mother seldom is, but I think it is safe to say he found whatever it was he was searching for. He passed the bar exam in 1978 and went right to work as the attorney he had studied so hard to become. Legal advocate for the homeless.

Janie finished her schooling in in 1976. She ended her studies in Europe and started her life in Paris. I know it has been a wonderful life for her. I often wished she had married. I think her career consumed so much that she never wanted children and therefore saw no need for nuptuals. I think she has been happy.

Jack, my husband of 52 years, the love of my life, passed in his sleep only three months ago. I am comforted with the though of Mark being there to greet his beloved dad. It has been a lonely time. I have kept myself busy, sorting out the accumulation of our lives. I have my volunteer work at the hospital and my dearest friends who are always there for a cup of coffee or the occasional dinner out. The womens group at church has helped a lot too. I do often sit quietly and miss my family.

The midnight service on Christmas eve, oh how I had looked forward to it. The thought of spending my first Christmas without Jack was almost more than I could bare. I thought the candlelight service would be encouraging and uplifting. Sharing with my closest friends, the blessing of our Saviors birth. It was a snowy night so I left a little early. I never saw that snow plow…..

I lay here patiently waiting. Jeff arrived a few hours ago. He looks tired, I am sure he works too hard. I know he is worried about me. The doctors were not very hopeful. I need to let him know it’s ok, I am ready to go. Jack has come for me, he too is waiting patiently for Janie to arrive. I cannot leave until she is here. We have missed so much of each others lives. There is never enough time. Janie! My beautiful girl. I am so happy you are here. I wish she could hear my thoughts. Please don’t cry. Don’t have regret. I love you both so very much. I would never have let you sacrifice your lives just to spend more time. You are children to be proud of. Oh, how I wish they could hear. Mark! My darling boy! You have come for me at last. We finally have our family together for Christmas. I love you all and wish we had more time. Death moves along so quickly and we always think there will be more time. There rarely ever is.

Well thats it my short story. I hope it causes someone to take a little time this Christmas season. Blessings!

Hello World! That is always the first post on any Wordpress blog. I almost feel like I am starting over. Just in case I have any readers left….I want to say forgive my absence, it will have to be enough right now to say LIFE IS HARD. I find myself entering the time of year that has always been my favorite…from the  beginning of November through the first of January, yet being “grateful” has been tough. I do have all the usual things to be gratful for, my home , my health, my family all the little things that happen every day but I am struggleing with keeping an attitude of Gratitude. Posting to my journal, sharing what I feel grateful for has felt like I would be lying to you all because the truth is I have not felt very grateful. My philosophy has always been, You can’t always change your circumstance but you can change how you view your circumstance….Today I am starting to make that effort, changeing how I view my circumstance. So ….without further ado Today I am Thankful for some really sweet women I met over the weekend, they made me think about changeing my view!   I am curious, what do you do to change your view?

Well look how time flies! When we last spoke I was on my way to French Lick. What a fabulous time we had. We left early and meandered our way down there, stopping wherever we wanted. We spent our day going to antique shops and driving around all of French Lick and West Baden. Some of the roads were blocked off as they were preparing for some sort of fall festival. We checked into our hotel room around 4 pm. It was gorgeous! Just what you would expect from a turn of the century resort.

Inside the main lobby! BEAUTIFUL!!

After our trip to French Lick we had company for the weekend. Our daughter is a potter and she was preparing to fire the outdoor kiln. This is a huge undertaking. My girlfriend came for the weekend to participate in the firing. Mindy had to have about 90 pots air dryed and glazed ready to put in the kiln. It became a family affair. The kiln was loaded with all of her beautiful pots and the fire was started. We sat at the campfire until very late Saturday evening. We enjoyed a pot of homemade chili and the grandchildren roasted marshmellows over the fire. We headed back on Sunday to see how things were progressing….. 1600 degrees by noon. The kiln had to reach 2400 degrees so that meant adding firewood every 15 minutes or so. This is a huge job and it sure makes you appreciate all the hard work that goes into making pots. We went back over about 7 pm on Sunday. The temp was up to 1950 degrees, almost there. We stayed until the children went off to bed and then headed back home. They finally reached 2400 degrees at 6 am Monday morning. Think of that….stoking a fire nonstop for 40 hours! I will post the photos later today or tomorrow.
Monday evening my cousin arrived from Alaska. It was fun trying to help him navigate our backwoods after dark. We usually go into town and meet our guests when arriving for the first time. Sweetie was out of town and I am completly night blind and unable to drive in the dark so he had to make it on his own. We stayed on the phone the entire time and he found us with no problem. We had a short but enjoyable visit. He had brought halibut and some carribou we we fixed for dinner on Tuesday. It was awesome!!! There is nothing like FRESH fish. He battered it and then rolled it in coconut then deep fried it. YUM!! He took my Mom out for the afternoon, which was great fun for her. I think she needs a break from me sometimes too. He had to leave early Wednesday morning, we were sad to see him go and hope it is not another seven years before we see him again.

The rest of the week I spent…SICK. yep thats right just plain sick. Cold or flu, I don’t know which but I sure felt awful. I had to kind of stay in my bedroom, it is so important that mother doesn’t catch it. I am much better today. I am Thankful for the beautiful warm fall days we are having. I am Thankful for family and friends and the closeness we share. I am Thankful that we are all able to work together, whether its firing that huge kiln or just making a meal, the spirit of interest is thriving in our close knit group. Blessings to you all today!

Hi Everyone! We had an enjoyable weekend with our company. I did manage to get the house, deck, barn and garage power washed on Saturday, it looks so nice. I am hoping to get all the windows washed this week. I hate going into the gloom of winter with dirty windows. (LOL) Sweetie and I are going to French Lick Springs Resort tomorrow, just for one night. We have a gift certificate that we need to use and wanted to do it while the weather was still nice enough to enjoy their beautiful gardens. I think our weather will be dry and cool, I am really looking forward to this.

Well today is the day they are supposed to vote on the “Band-Aid” for our economy. Sweetie took his paycheck to our little hometown bank on Saturday and was turned away….they have no money! They said maybe on Monday or Tuesday. It sounds like they had a run on this bank to me. Sweetie was able to drive to another town, to a bank branch and they had money so all is well for another week. Now banks failing in Europe, it sure makes you wonder if your money is safe doesn’t it? We don’t want to get hysterical and withdraw everything…but gee that means we will have to trust the federal government…hmmmmmm. It almost sounds like a lose, lose situation. I don’t know how they figure this Band-Aid will work. I think they are just buying themselves some time to get their own money out safely. I am sick to death of corporate greed and corrupt polititians!

Well here we are, I started writing this about 5 am. Since then my life kinda just took over, with a Dr. appt. and my day to be on Grandma Duty. The house has just voted against the $700 Billion Band-Aid. I am wondering what is next. I don’t think the people wanted it to pass. The stock market will be crashing soon. I think we are all just sick of it. The fear of the unknown is much less than our fear of the known, THE GREED and CORRUPTION. Tomorrow will be a new day for sure. We are in the midst of our own “paper” TEA PARTY. It has all just gotten dumped in the harbour! I will be glued to the news for the rest of the week.

Just a quick note this morning. Mother is having cataract surgery this morning, please remember her in your prayers. She is an avid reader and even that has become difficult for her. I have lots to do as the Autumn colors approach. We are having some company this weekend and again next weekend. I have a cousin coming from Anchorage on the 5th, I am sure to get the low down on Alaska politics. Fall is a really busy time here as guests arrive from all over to see the beauty of the rolling hills and the forests in all their glory. It is hard to believe the end of September is arriving. I think our leaves are a little behind this year. I have all the gardens to make ready for winter, things to cut back and a few things that need split and moved.

Well did anyone watch the President last night? It was a pretty quick speech I thought. It does make you stop and look at this financial crisis as more than just ANOTHER BAILOUT. I think this is nothing more than a band-aid on our eventual economic collapse. I would really like to rant on about this and maybe I will have time to do it later but for now I have to run. Today I am Thankful that I still have the right to voice my opinion in this country. I understand why we need the band-aid but what are we going to do for the next one? GM, or GE they are in trouble too. What do YOU think? I really want to know.

Happy Tuesday! Today is my day to keep Andy. We spent the morning gathering nuts. After our french toast with strawberries. We picked up hickory nuts and cracked a couple to see if they were good, and they were. Then we were off to the acorns. Andy wanted to try them too…I said your not going to like ‘em but he thought he would so…. we peeled one open, he stuck it in his mouth and let me tell you, it did not take him long to start spitting….hehehehe. I guess he didn’t like ‘em after all. Here he his with his hall…..

Then he left me to go riding on the tractor with Paw. They are busy making paths in the woods. Boys are funny like that. Then they took off for the bank where Andy was sure to get a sucker. Paw loves taking the boys to the bank, cause all the ladies make such a fuss! It is really too cute. Then home for lunch and down for a nap….this is a pretty easy gig today. I am Thankful for all of my grandchildren today. They keep me young and help me to see with wide eyes of discovery. They are always trying to get away with something so they keep me on my toes too. They make you see that happiness comes in so many forms, today it was nuts in a basket and a ride on a tractor with a sucker thrown in for good measure. How easy is that? They help me to be happy…just happy for no particular reason. I hope your day is happy too!

Happy Fall everyone! I hate to see summer end in some ways, but I always love to have Autumn arrive. This summer has been hard on so many. The weather has reaked such devastation in so many parts of our country, I think I shall be happy to blow it a kiss goodbye. Sweetie has been busy building his lawn vac system…but does take the time to say Thank you to all who wished him happiness on his birthday! Back to the lawn vac for a minute..this contraption had better work! One would think he has been out in that garage inventing the light bulb or something. Sawing, nailing, welding…he is quite excited at the possibility of a vacume system that mulches our leaves and deposits them into a trailer for disposal in the woods. I hope it all works out cause he is so excited!

A picture for you, fall is coming! This is a sugar maple in our front yard, just starting to let us know fall has arrived!

Please forgive the “dated” picture…I have been having trouble with a neighbor and his dogs. If you read me with any regularity you know how much I love the animals….this idiot and I say it with love…has two dogs and a bunch of puppies (from not keeping them tied or having them spayed) Now when these dogs come over to our house we feed them and send them home. They seem starved. I witnessed a beating the other day which prompted me to call the sheriff and animal control. They came out to check on the problem and asked me to take pictures of the dogs running loose so I enabled the date feature on my photos.

I am Thankful today for Autumn and the feeling it puts in the air. The hurry and get ready for winter attitude. The colors just beginning. The pumpkins and the smells, the candy corn and carmel apples, The sweatshirts and long pants, the campfires we are sure to have. Yes Autumn is my favorite time of year.